O Night Divine

Quotable

"The Advent mystery is the beginning of the end of all in us that is not yet Christ."

Thomas Merton

Transitioning Traditions, by Bridget Galbraith

 

“Mom, since I wasn’t home for most of Advent, it feels like Christmas was just sprung on me!” That’s what my oldest told me his first year away at college.  And he was (is) at an excellent Catholic college; the traditions of the faith are prominent.  It just wasn’t home.

 

As our children grow up, we (collective moms) are re-thinking how to celebrate Advent and Christmas.  How do we keep meaningful traditions in our homes with some of our older children at college or even married and beginning their own families? We still have younger children at home, and we instinctively know that the traditions are an anchor for our families in a chaotic world and an important part of our children’s formation.  To give them up is not an option, to keep them going the way we always did isn’t entirely realistic.

 

What to do.

 

Be flexible.  Married children have jobs and another family; they can’t be part of everything.  Welcome them to whichever traditions they can you join in.  Shift times and days to accommodate.  Don’t stress yourself competing with the in-laws; each family will have its strong points that will draw the couple to celebrate with them.  You are all an important part of each other but not the whole.

 

Snail mail is fun.  I sent St. Nicholas packages to my college kids.  Who doesn’t like getting packages?!  They appreciate those gestures even more when they are not at home.

 

Technology makes it easier for all of us to connect and share a bit of what is happening on either end.  I love seeing pictures of my college kids on campus.  They have many special events and ways to celebrate the holidays.  We all enjoy seeing pictures of our college guys and their friends caroling, or the Christmas formal.  It expands our celebrations at home.

 

Add to your traditions each year.  Something new helps fill the hole that is left when another person leaves home.  I mean simple: a new Christmas puzzle on the puzzle table, a recipe we never tried before…but don’t stagnate as the number of celebrants at home contracts.  In fact, lower numbers may mean you CAN do something elaborate that wasn’t possible before.

 

Mature some of your traditions a little.  As much as we all love picture books, our Christmas Eve reading as a family needs a boost.  Perhaps a reading of A Christmas Carol, http://charlesdickenspage.com/carol-dickens_reading_text.html each older child and adult could take a part.  I know several young men who would thoroughly enjoy reading the part of Scrooge.

 

Another idea is to assign everyone to gather with a Christmas poem or short story to share, or a joke or a song.... funny or serious, original or not.  The idea being that an older child or young adult can contribute something to the ‘Christmas magic’.  The same idea can be applied to the Christmas feast.  What a great thing it would be to have many chefs!

 

I don’t know any mom who doesn’t love having a house full of her children, including babies, especially at Christmas.  But as those days wane, we can look forward to friendships with our adult children, new traditions, and in time, daughters and sons-in-law and all the blessings that accompany that. We’ll never stop being mom and making Christmas special, because we love our families and we love our Lord.

 

Advent is a Gift

I can't imagine living in a family that doesn't celebrate Advent. To skip Advent? It would be harder for me and my children to get through December to Christmas if we had nothing to feast on during the month.

My boys are so joyful, embracing all the Advent traditions and Liturgy. All the liturgy, all the customs, all the songs just marry into their eager anticipation for Christmas. The Church's remembrance of the long awaited Messiah matches their longing for Christmas. It doesn't feed the frenzy, but it nourishes their souls, and makes them filled. They are satisfied because their longing is matched and given nourishment.

They are dancing with joy, peeking in all our Advent boxes, remembering all the treasures from last year: the calendars, the creche, the empty manger, the Advent wreath, the candles, the Jesse Tree....

The New Year noisemakers are sounding, the boys making their own "Happy Advent and Happy New Liturgical Year" rejoicing.

They are singing all around the house different Advent songs: O Come, O Come Emmanuel, People Look East, Prepare, and Light One Candle.

The oldest lights the Advent wreath, and emits a joyful sigh as he watches the candle burn and sings his favorite Advent hymn, O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.

In living in this moment, imitating the child, all those excess worries that the preparation for Christmas brings disappear. Can I become like a little child? Can I be joyful and worry free like my little children?

I am pondering these moments all in my heart. Advent is such a gift. And as a mother, I need to recognize that gift and accept it. I need to embrace it.

 

Christmas: Seen and Heard

There's an interesting liturgical tidbit from the memories of popular author Anne Rice as recounted in her conversion memoir:  Called Out of Darkness; A Spiritual Confession.  Mrs. Rice richly describes the varied sights, sounds and smells of the yearly feasts and seasons in her diocese of New Orleans during the 1940s and 50s and I was surprised by her admission that Advent was not observed by the churches there. 

Mrs. Rice does an amazing job of bringing the stunning beauty of the Christmas decorations and Creches erected in the legion of Catholic churches and chapels in her area of the city, many weeks before Christmas: 
"I recall spectacular Manger scenes with very simply gorgeous life-size statues, and one particular statue of the Infant Jesus that couldn't help but fill me with happiness when I saw it ... These Manger scenes were usually surrounded by Christmas greens and they smelled wonderful ... I remember the utter sweetness of the statues, the sublime scent of the greens, and the other glittering decorative elements, all of this uplifting my spirits and filling me with a pure happiness that I associated with the entire season

She tells about how these church scenes and music were duplicated all around town by the businesses and homes in the form of yard and window displays which everyone loved to go out and see in the evenings. 

Mrs. Rice makes a very poignant point about this sacramental nature of the physical beauty of Christmas as it moves out of the church and into the community when she says she "sometimes wonder[s] whether for people of no religion, this might have been the only sacred space they knew.  When people rail now against the 'commercial nature of Christmas,' I'm always conflicted ... those who would banish commercialism from the holiday fail to understand how precious and comforting the shop displays and music can be."

 She goes on to note that when she was an older child the parishes began observing the Advent season and in making the change, moved  the time of decorating for Christmas to the end of Advent.   And basically her observation is that "in America 'nothing is more over than Christmas,'  this meant that the cribs didn't command anybody's attention for very long.  The radiant Christ Child came and went in a matter of a few days."  These days, while we do have a few Christmas carols and in some places an outdoor Creche, there is not a whole lot to point to the true nature of the feast. Nevertheless it's interesting to wonder about how each beautiful song or display or sculpture might be delighting or bringing peace to the secular culture.

I'm not suggesting that we should revert to observing Christmas during Advent.  But if the physical aspects of Christmastide have the power to nurture conversion then how important it must be that we bring the fullness of Christmas and all of its sacramental power to the Catholic, Christian and secular world during the season of December 24th to the Baptism of Our Lord! 

Austerity in Advent

This has been a difficult Advent for my family. We have been living in a construction site since November 1st and have missed having things like furniture, heat and electricity not to mention our books, decorations and the other comforts that make home homey.

I have spent a lot of time inwardly (and sometimes not so inwardly) lamenting the loss of these material possessions that define seasons for us. I was unable to put up fall decorations, my favorite season and my favorite decor, and now we have endured Advent with no wreath, no Nativity, no festive feeling at all here in the "much larger but still empty" Bonny Blue House. The children have been sleeping in the basement for about 6 weeks and we school there and eat there as well. They are sick of their closed quarters and itching for some quiet and privacy. 

So it's been a sacrificial season for us. As I was saying my morning prayers a few days ago it came to me that the reason for this austerity might not just be that a village was tortureously slow in issuing building permits and that worldwide credit crisis delayed already in place financing or even that an architect forgot to submit an essential document to the torturously slow permit committee, it might be that God was calling us to something deeper. To step out in faith and trust at a time when it is particularly difficult to do so. To be open to life and to rebuild a house to accommodate this baby and others that may follow at a time when "lay-off" is the word of the day at my husband's firm

The fact that we are living in a largely empty house during a time of year marked by the "stuff" might be God's way of calling us to the essentials. The essential being Christ. Maybe this is our year to hunker down and offer up. To forgo the seasonal festivities in order to prepare our souls for what is to come.

Being at the end of a difficult pregnancy is particularly poignant at this time of year. Contemplating our Blessed Mother's last weeks as she prepared to bring the Son of God into the world. Do I have anything to complain about? I have a home, I have health care, I have a loving family to surround me every evening watching my belly jump, I have dear friends who cater to me in a shameless fashion. Bringing meals and opening their homes to me, shuttling kids to activities and devising amusements for them. Am I facing a long donkey ride to an unfamiliar place where my husband and I will endure the birth of a child in a stable, alone and overwhelmed? No, I'm facing a birth in a clean hospital with my husband at my side and family and friends anxiously awaiting news. Helping and praying as usual.

We may not have everything we want this Advent season but God has seen fit to provide everything we need. So I close my eyes in prayer and an image comes into my head. A home filled not with Christmas lights and candles but with the light of God's grace and the light that comes with the love born of our Holy Mother Mary. Redeeming light that comes from within each of us. Lead by me, an often cranky mom who suddenly has a clue what is important. A mom who sets the tone in her home, not disappointment for what is not here but great appreciation for what is. Love. Life giving, soul saving, everlasting love of God for us. And us for Him.

The Charlie Browniest of trees in the dining room where cords running to our one working downstairs light socket provide light.

Preparing Our Hearts and Nesting with Mary

Immersing my heart in Advent allows me to ponder how Our Lady went about nesting and preparing for her Son's birth. I'm certain she wanted to freshen the home, wash a few simple linens, tidy and arrange her cooking supplies. I imagine she wanted to make her nest as beautiful and comfortable and secure as she possibly could in anticipation of HIM. Instead, she packed a tiny bag and started the journey towards Bethlehem.

Jennifer has a beautiful reflection about our Blessed Mother's "nesting" for her child. Please go over to Wildflowers and Marbles and read the whole thing. This nesting mother  deeply appreciated the reminder to look inward to prepare for the Christ child.

In Joyful Hope

Did you know that Christmas begins the day after Halloween?  Wait . . . what?  Haven't you seen the stores?  It's Christmas - apparently.  Except it's not.  Actually it's not even Advent yet but by looking around you'd think that Christmas was just one week away instead of six.   

I'll admit it, it bugs me.  Why do we have to start all this so soon? Don't get me wrong, I'm no Scrooge - really I'm not.  I love Christmas - AT Christmas that is.  But what can you do?  Short of staying out of the stores (NOT a bad idea mind you but just not always feasible) how can you avoid all this -in your face- holiday cheer? 

Well, you can't - at least I can't so I have decided to embrace it. No, we don't decorate before Christmas (as close we can get that is) and I'm still a bit of a stickler for not having Christmas parties in Advent but I have decided that I will enjoy the beauty of this -money machine imposed time (you do realize it's all about the stores getting your money sooner right?)- and use it as a reminder of what's to come and where I am headed.  Because after all that really is what it's all about.

Very soon a new year will be upon us.  No, I'm not talking about the "New Year" but rather the real new year - the liturgical year. The year around which everything we do is based.  Each year through feasts and memorials, holy days and solemnities we relive the events of Christ's life.  Events that are not definitively "passed" but that live on and continue to bless us and give us grace.

And so it begins with Advent.  OK it's early - Advent doesn't begin until Dec. 2nd and yet any day, every day is the perfect time to set our eyes towards Heaven and turn our hearts toward Jesus. Looking around us at the trappings of Christmas we are continually reminded to prepare.  Prepare for Christmas and thus prepare our heart for Christ's coming. 

If I am honest about it I should be grateful for all the "extra early" preparations.  At least I can't claim that Christmas snuck up on me - it's pretty hard to miss at this point.  But you know, I think that's OK.  I need the reminders because I can so easily get caught up in things and lose sight of what's coming.  Doing that for Christmas is bad enough but doing that in life has eternal consequences. 

So maybe the better way to approach the onslaught of advertising is to see it as a gift - a mercy even.  An insistent reminder not to become lazy or complacent. A reminder to pray with more passion, be more generous in our acts of charity and ever more attentive to Christ's call on our lives.

Yes, a gift of  mercy and a constant reminder to turn our hearts toward God as we "wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior Jesus Christ."

There were shadows in the stable

This piece will seem a bit dark amidst all the bright and beautiful posts on this lovely blog, but not everyone in the cave on that Holy Night was clean and fine and fair. There were shadows of sin the stable, folks who were fallen and struggling. That holy infant came for the weak, the sorrowful, the unprotected. Sadly, there are children in our lives who still need a Savior mightily because they are weak, sorrowful and unprotected. Like Mary, we are called to cradle them, called to fold them into our mantle of gentleness. She showed us how to nurture and nurture is our call in this holy season.

It is generally acknowledged that the holiday season can be difficult for adults. This time of year, headlines at the newsstands tout all sorts of ways to “bust stress.” Ironically, one of the suggestions is often to look at the holiday through “the eyes of a child.” But holidays can be very stressful for children, too.

Consider the child who is anxious about whether or when he will see an estranged parent. Consider the child whose parent has an addiction. Consider the shy child who would really prefer to stay at home with only his immediate family. Consider the child who likes his routine. Consider the child with autism, sensory integration, or other neurological challenges. The hullabaloo and the expectations of the season only accentuate the very real stresses that exist for these children.

My favorite parenting author, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka writes in Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles,

"Stress sneaks up on us, and as a result we often don't even realize it's taking its toll. Kids never say, ‘Gee, Mom or Dad, I'm really hurting.’ Instead they throw tantrums, hit their siblings or the neighbor kids, forget their homework, start having toileting accidents... complain of headaches and stomachaches and refuse to sleep in their own bed or go upstairs alone."
"And to make matters worse, 90% of their stress is tied to our own."

Children sense our tension. We compound it with disruptions in routines, sleep deprivation, and all sorts of poor eating adventures. And, though we certainly don’t set out to, we put pressure on them, too. They know they are supposed to be happy and they are troubled when the party that is supposed to be fun is really very trying. They know they are supposed to behave especially well in front of Great Aunt Hilda and instead they have a total meltdown.

Kurcinka writes, "Holidays and traveling are supposed to be fun, which is why the stress they create can sneak up on you. You want to ignore it. You're supposed to be having fun, but the disruption of routines, guests and new foods can raise stress levels quickly and leave you in full view of all of the relatives or the public at large dealing with a kid flooded with cortisol."

Is there a child in your family who is especially sensitive to his environment, who is more perceptive, needs more structure, feels more intensely? That’s the child who needs your care even more this time of year. Is there a child in your neighborhood who is missing a divorced parent right now? Who is wondering if the adult in his life can stay sober through December? He’s dreading Christmas. What can you do to help the littlest of God’s children to really experience the joy of the season?

Kurcinka suggests that during times of stress we need to:

1.Nurture more and to recognize the child’s need to be nurtured.
For a child of your own, this might mean being especially attuned to what is important for his own calm. Does he absolutely need ten hours of sleep at night? Is a nap a non-negotiable? Make no exceptions; guarantee sleep. And rub his back at the end of the day, ensuring he will drift off peacefully. Is the huge family gathering and the peppering of questions more than his shy, sweet mind can manage? Limit yourself to smaller gatherings, rehearse responses, and rescue him when he’s cornered by well-meaning relatives and blushing a deep crimson that puts Santa’s suit to shame. Be there. Hold him. If he’s an infant or a toddler, hold him almost all the time. Provide a refuge for him in a sling. Rock and sing. Rock and read. If he’s older, sit and cuddle in the quiet with a good Christmas story.

Limit television. It’s far too easy to plug a child in so we can go get “something productive” accomplished. This works against us. The child is now wired and he’s not feeling nurtured. We’ve pushed him away and we’ve fueled his stress with a medium that usually does little or no good for a needy child. Let some of your own expectations of appearances go in order to be very available to your child.

Kurcinka writes: "Stress disrupts our basic sense of security, and your child needs you to help her feel secure, just like you did when she was a baby. And she needs you to do it proactively… Proactively means recognizing the stress behaviors and the situations that cause stress for your family and consciously making the decision to slow things down and nurture more...Little things such as asking your child to help, or offering to carry him before he asks you to. It's essential that you offer support before your child asks for it because by doing so you allow him to make the decision:"Yes, I need support right now," or "No, I can do this on my own." He feels empowered and secure.

"As you work with your child take the time to savor his presence. Revel in the memories of your child's infancy... Absorb the joy he finds in being with you. These small, thoughtful actions and words will communicate loudly and clearly to your child, "I am here. I am available. You can trust that I will not abandon you in your distress."

There are children whose parents cannot nurture. They are not physically present or they are emotionally unable. Look for those children in your life. Offer to bake with them, include them in a family meal, share a good book, be a safe haven. The child will absorb the nurturing environment in your house. He will feel safe. And to some, degree, he will take the safe feeling with him. Make a particular effort to include those children when you are doing something faith-based. Something as simple as watching your family light an advent wreath can inspire in the child a lifetime desire to live the liturgical year. There is no greater gift you can give than to nurture a child whose own parents cannot.

2.Create stability and predictability where you can.
You know the rituals of every day life that are important to your children. Make sure they don’t get pushed aside for a whole season of special occasions. A story every night at bedtime becomes even more important when it is the trigger for a good night’s sleep after an over-extended day. Post a calendar and talk about the plans for Advent and Christmas. Count down days to events and be certain that the child knows exactly what is coming and when. Remember, they don’t hold the Palm Pilot; they are not masters of their own time. And they are completely at your mercy to know what comes next and how to cope. They want to know from minute to minute what to expect. They need time to prepare, even to prepare for the happy things.


3.Create rituals that connect you.
This is a beautiful season of rituals. As Catholics, our holy mother, the Church, has blessed us with a treasure chest of rituals and traditional celebrations of feasts. Don’t do them all. Instead, choose wisely. Do only those things which will bring you closer to each other and closer to God. Your goal is to connect to your child and to share the wonder of the Christ Child. Keep that goal at the forefront. Take the Blessed Mother as your role model. Make it a season of nurturing and gentle kindness and let the children come to you for safe haven and holy passage.

Posted by Elizabeth Foss

A Breath of Heaven at Christmastime

by Elizabeth Foss

Once again it is that very busy time of year. Parents everywhere are caught up in the whirlwind of homemaking and merrymaking. But not this mom. This year, you'll find me just sitting and cuddling our soft newborn baby, Karoline Rose, who was born Oct. 4.

Karoline is our eighth baby and one would think that I wouldn't be amazed by how a baby slows me down. Housework which we previously finished in under an hour takes the better part of the morning. I don't dare make appointments before 10 in the morning and even then it's tough to arrive on time. Life seems to be moving in the slow motion peculiar to every postpartum.

This time, I'm not fighting it. I'm taking my time. I'm determined not to speed things up. With my first infant, I was anxious for each new milestone of development -- I hurried the baby days away. With the second, I was eager for him to grow and be a playmate for the first.

But then, with my third, I learned to slow down I was hit over the head with the reality that I was going to slow down whether I wanted to or not. Things sped up again for awhile sometime around the seventh. And again, I got hit over the head. This time, I’m not giving in to the hustle and bustle.

Those who know me will attest to the fact that I was not naturally patient and I liked to move quickly. But now, I'm grateful for the excuse to sit for 20 minutes every two hours and nurse the baby. I no longer multi-task, but I linger in the present moment and focus on one (or maybe two) thing at a time. I don't miss the hustle and bustle of the season at all.

Of course, our other children are starting to catch the Christmas fever; I am not totally oblivious to the chaos outside.For some reason, though (hormones?), I'm able to meet their exuberance with relative calm and to delight in their enthusiasm. Having a newborn at Christmas time makes the infant Jesus seem very real to my 4-year-old. And the humble sacrifices of Mary and Joseph seem heroic to my husband and me.

What an awesome calling -- to parent the child of God. Isn't that what we are all called to do? When they are infants, new and sweet, it is so easy to remember that they are the handiwork of the Lord, gifts from heaven. And as Charles Dickens once wrote, "It is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us." as they get older, we sometimes need to be reminded. And then, in an instant, it's their last Advent at home before going out into the big world.

Surely, this will be the best Christmas ever. And I am poignantly aware that this is our last Advent before our eldest leaves for college. The last time he'll be here to read Tomie de Paola books and to lend his expertise to arts and crafts. The last time everyone will be nestled all snug in their beds in my house as we prepare for the feast. We have a little choir of "angels" who grasp the meaning of the season nearly as well as adults,but reflect it through the eyes children. We have a beautiful, wide-eyed 4-year-old who is amazed at the sights and sounds and activity but ever grateful for the chance to cuddle quietly with mom and her new baby. And we have Karoline Rose, a brand new breath of heaven.

 I'm glad to let the busyness of Christmas time whirl around me as I gaze through the haze created by a new baby. (Some would call it half-crazed sleep deprivation, but that's not very poetic.) I'm very happy snuggled in my flannels, sipping peppermint tea, reading old familiar advent stories, and drinking in the heady sweetness of a new baby.

If you happen to be cradling a baby in your arms as you read this post, I'm glad you're with me. If you are expecting a baby, put your feet up and join us; you certainly deserve the rest. And if your babies have grown all too quickly, take a moment to reminisce. Wherever you are in your parenting, I invite you to look through the eyes of a child and share the peace of an Infant.

A Host of Angels

I have been collecting angels for most of my life, starting with a spritely china cherub given to me as a Kris Kringle present by my childhood friend, Margaret Mulligan. I still say a prayer for Margaret each time I unwrap that brown-curled beauty, smiling to myself to note that the wreath she bears in her china hand remains as verdant as it was almost thirty years ago.

My host of angels marks the passage of time, each one propped up like a signpost along the road of life. There is the golden angel in cap and gown, a gift from loving parents to mark my high school graduation; the Santa Lucia angel, with a circlet of candles atop her blonde braids, a reminder of my twenty-first birthday; the ivory angel who plays "Silent Night," a present from my beloved Aunt Eileen many years before she died; and dozens more, each with a tale to tell. There are also the handcrafted angels--some stitched by me when I was expecting our first child, and others given me by that same dear child and her siblings an impossibly short time later. The crinkling of tissue as I carefully unwrap each winged wonder is like a church bell bidding me me to sit back a while, reflect, and remember.

My favorite angel of all is a slight, unassuming green creation with arms outstretched in praise of the newborn King. For a decade, she has adorned the very front of our tree, edging out other more comely and costly ornaments for this seat of honor. Needless to say, there is a story to explain my attachment:

When our second daughter, Theresa, was born, I decided to handstitch intricate dresses for the new baby and eighteen-month-old, Agnes. The project left no time for an elaborate tree, so I picked up a little dwarf of a thing at the Christmas tree store. Hastily stringing colored lights around it, I hot-glued Victorian scrap art round the entire tree, transforming it from a candidate for "A Charlie Brown Christmas" to a vision of cherubs and charms and flowers. Ethereal and festive, yet disposable too, that simple tree was the perfect solution to my dearth of time.

Knowing I had spent the afternoon primping our homely sprig, my husband walked through the door that night toting a curious crimson bag. Christmas was a week away, yet I found in the bag a pine green, fabric mache angel, snapped up on a whim at the train station. She was the only three-dimensional ornament on our tree that year, and I have always treasured her as a reminder of my husband's thoughtfulness.

As a little girl, I remember dreaming about what the perfect Christmas tree would look like. It ought to have a stable below with a host of angels swirling above and the bright star of Bethlehem crowning the top. From this vision, a lifelong interest was born, yet I like to think of the collection as even more than that. In some small way, that ever growing array of angelic figures was a symbolic herald of the vocation God was preparing for my life.

As mothers, we too spend our lives collecting angels. With each new soul we welcome, either by birth or by adoption, we greet a guardian angel given by Almighty God to grace and protect our family. The dear Lord Himself has said, "See that you despise not one of these little ones: for I say to you, that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father who is in heaven." (Mt. 18:10.) St. Jerome reminds us, "how great the dignity of the soul, since each one has from his birth an angel commissioned to guard it."

We rarely think about it, but God, Who is never outdone in generosity, blesses us twice with the arrival of each child.

This Christmas, amid the boxes and bubble wrap, I will pause a moment to pray for the people populating the memories behind each of my many angel ornaments, and I will not forget to thank God for the precious children and princely angels he has entrusted to our family.